dream states
Last night's dreams, so strange and sad. One had to do with a customer at work that I am currently experiencing strange energy with. I mean this in a physical attraction sense, but my psychologist's mind can break it down and rationalize it down to where it means nothing. He is much older and is married. In the dream, he said coming in for coffee and seeing me is the highlight of his day. I enjoyed hearing that, but was also confused, knowing he is married. It was slightly troubling, but sweet because it was still innocent. I suspect this strange energy to dissipate eventually, especially because I am able to rationalize it. I mean, I can see why I would feel this toward this person. It's something I am guilty of from time to time. Nevermind. This doesn't need to be written about any further.
The other dream I had was of my brother, Bill who is currently in Kirkuk, Iraq. I dreamt I was talking to him and either he was still in Iraq, or I was in Iraq. Somehow I was in his presence. He was describing a scary scenario - what I thought was scary, although he was saying it in a neutral manner - of an Iraqi fighter person who has been surveilling him and the guys in his troop. If they leave or do something strange, they will be killed. Of course, this was just a dream, but it scared me. I am so worried about his well-being. My mom said last night that he is up for a leave of absence soon and will be coming home, as soon as he is picked in the lottery system they have. Because he is the only son of my father, he is not supposed to be on the front lines, but this does not guarantee safety (that's what I think anyway.) His birthday is the 17th and I am hoping to have a care package assembled sometime this week to send off. That depends on how much time I have between work, school, homework and visiting Sybil in the hospital.
I have seen Sybil everyday this week, but I don't think I will be able to go tonight as I have quite a bit of homework to catch up on. But, it appears she is improving, and they are giving her less sedation, so yesterday she was quite responsive when I was there. She would raise her eyebrows, or attempt to open her eyes. She was able to nod, 'yes' or 'no' when we asked her questions. She kept trying to take the breathing tube out, but couldn't really move her hands, which is good considering what she was attempting. I kept trying to assure her the tube would be removed soon and that she should relax to save her energy. No matter how well she is going now, it is still difficult to see her this way. It is so hard to comprehend how someone my own age can be fighting for her life so desperately. Lately, when I see a gorgeous sunset/rise, taste something delicious, hear a beautiful song, or cuddle with my cats, I tear up thinking of the fact that Sybil is missing out on so much joy. It just doesn't seem fair, even though fairness does not play a part in these things. It's just so sad.
And onto my own health issues, which of course, do not compare to Sybil's in any way, I think I am coming closer to understanding what is going on. I had four blood tests run by a rheumatologist Friday. He said people can test negative for Lupus (SLE) or Rheumatoid Arthritis, as I did, on the initial tests I had but test positive on the tests he gave me, so we will see. Another possibility though surfaced last night when I spoke with my mom. It dawned on her that I could have a rare blood disorder that my cousin has. It's called hemochromatosis. When I googled it and read about the symptoms, I felt as though this is definitely a possibility. I will need to call the clinic tomorrow and see if they would be able to test me for that. My cousin was also diagnosed when she was this age (she is just two or three years older.) So, I do hope this gets figured out so I can at least take care of myself accordingly. If it is hemochromatosis, I will have to have blood drawn every week or something like that because of the excess build up of iron. Anyway, I don't know anything for sure right now, so I will continue to have to be patient (no pun intended.)
I think I will call now to see how Sybil is doing.
Current music:
Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds -
Murder Ballads
Let Love In
No More Shall We Part
Kicking Against the Pricks
Live Seeds
The other dream I had was of my brother, Bill who is currently in Kirkuk, Iraq. I dreamt I was talking to him and either he was still in Iraq, or I was in Iraq. Somehow I was in his presence. He was describing a scary scenario - what I thought was scary, although he was saying it in a neutral manner - of an Iraqi fighter person who has been surveilling him and the guys in his troop. If they leave or do something strange, they will be killed. Of course, this was just a dream, but it scared me. I am so worried about his well-being. My mom said last night that he is up for a leave of absence soon and will be coming home, as soon as he is picked in the lottery system they have. Because he is the only son of my father, he is not supposed to be on the front lines, but this does not guarantee safety (that's what I think anyway.) His birthday is the 17th and I am hoping to have a care package assembled sometime this week to send off. That depends on how much time I have between work, school, homework and visiting Sybil in the hospital.
I have seen Sybil everyday this week, but I don't think I will be able to go tonight as I have quite a bit of homework to catch up on. But, it appears she is improving, and they are giving her less sedation, so yesterday she was quite responsive when I was there. She would raise her eyebrows, or attempt to open her eyes. She was able to nod, 'yes' or 'no' when we asked her questions. She kept trying to take the breathing tube out, but couldn't really move her hands, which is good considering what she was attempting. I kept trying to assure her the tube would be removed soon and that she should relax to save her energy. No matter how well she is going now, it is still difficult to see her this way. It is so hard to comprehend how someone my own age can be fighting for her life so desperately. Lately, when I see a gorgeous sunset/rise, taste something delicious, hear a beautiful song, or cuddle with my cats, I tear up thinking of the fact that Sybil is missing out on so much joy. It just doesn't seem fair, even though fairness does not play a part in these things. It's just so sad.
And onto my own health issues, which of course, do not compare to Sybil's in any way, I think I am coming closer to understanding what is going on. I had four blood tests run by a rheumatologist Friday. He said people can test negative for Lupus (SLE) or Rheumatoid Arthritis, as I did, on the initial tests I had but test positive on the tests he gave me, so we will see. Another possibility though surfaced last night when I spoke with my mom. It dawned on her that I could have a rare blood disorder that my cousin has. It's called hemochromatosis. When I googled it and read about the symptoms, I felt as though this is definitely a possibility. I will need to call the clinic tomorrow and see if they would be able to test me for that. My cousin was also diagnosed when she was this age (she is just two or three years older.) So, I do hope this gets figured out so I can at least take care of myself accordingly. If it is hemochromatosis, I will have to have blood drawn every week or something like that because of the excess build up of iron. Anyway, I don't know anything for sure right now, so I will continue to have to be patient (no pun intended.)
I think I will call now to see how Sybil is doing.
Current music:
Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds -
Murder Ballads
Let Love In
No More Shall We Part
Kicking Against the Pricks
Live Seeds
posted by Jessica at 14:33
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