surreality and . . .

A crazy week it's been. Sybil's health has taken a more serious turn, and I spent quite a few hours in the hospital in the last seven days. It is nice to see her, but heartbreaking to see her in the condition she's in. She is so weak, so weary, and unable to talk due to temporary damage to her vocal chords from the recent intubation. She has developed a case of the flu, and her right lung still has excess fluid in it, causing her some breathing difficulty. For now, we are waiting and seeing how she responds to some medications that should help her lungs. She is also still fighting a pretty mean case of graft vs. host disease. It is so hard to know what to think or how to feel. Of course I am concerned and sad, but I feel as though I should be more upbeat, optimistic and strong for Sybil and her family. It's just so hard. I have discovered that I am not a very secure or trusting person when it comes to believing that things will turn out alright. I am always preparing for the worst, and forgetting that I can expect the best.

Sunday was my 31st birthday. I celebrated Saturday by going out for Thai food with my mom and Bill and Melissa and Jerry. It was very pleasant. The restaurant, Wild Ginger is fabulous and our server was an ultra cute hipster boy. I then met friends for drinks at Cyclops in Belltown. I woke at 4:00 am for work earlier in the morning, and I felt almost like I was coming down with the flu. I was worried while at the bar that I was going to be susceptible to catching something by being so tired, and in a smoky place and drinking. I managed to have just two drinks at the bar, and woke feeling just fine the next morning. But that evening out was quite pleasant. Beno came from Ballard, Kim from class, Elizabeth and Jeremy and Brian and his friend, and Charity and Gavin. A great group of people to be in the company of. It was kind of strange, however to spend my birthday with so many new people. I mean, it was wonderful, but I could not help but miss Sybil's presence, and Marci, who moved to Alaska this past summer. Lindsay said she would come, but I never heard from her again. I suppose this is how we start new phases of life. Moving on and reconnecting. It feels good and scary and sad, all at the same time.

Hans told me Sunday that for a birthday present, he is helping me buy a new car! I don't know if I will get a brand new one, probably not, but maybe a couple years old, something still under warranty. Hans is putting $5,000 toward this endeavor. I can't decide between a Saab or a Honda Hybrid . . . or perhaps a VW, since they have student finance plans. What a doll Hans is. I love him so dearly.